The Debut Album: What it Means to Me and My Story

I’ve waited over half my life to say this: I RELEASED AN ALBUM! And I’ve waited 5 Years and 8 Months to say this: To Be A Man is OUT NOW! There will be posts to come sharing the process and behind the scenes of To Be A Man and its tracks. For now, I'll share a glimpse into my story and what this album means to me.

I’ve been working towards this a LONG time. At age 4, I decided I wanted to be a musician when I grew up. At 8, I started trying to write songs and put together bands. At 12, I started seriously writing songs, planning- and attempting to create- albums, playing around with production software, posting on YouTube, and trying to make music videos. I wrote my first “real” song, “My Love”, in 2011, and showed it to my music teacher and best friends. That was the first time I heard, “this is actually really good, you could do something with this.”

In middle/high school, I would spend HOURS working on my music, researching successful artists, listening to songs from various genres, trying to crack the code. I hoped every “album” would be “the one"; every song would be “the hit.” My New Year's resolution was always, "this is the year I finish and release an album." I could never quite figure it out. There were many times when all the music supplies & instruments were put in the attic, because I was “giving up on music”…. only to be brought back out a few days later because I had a really good idea. I look back now and realize I was slowly paving the way for this release (albeit often working harder not smarter.)

At 17, I, once again, decided to give up music, and wrote a farewell song to that part of my life. While the notion didn't last more than a few months, it would be a while before I wrote anything new. I graduated high school and took a gap year, during which I found myself drawn back to music, but unable to write more than a line or two of lyrics at a time (never for the same song.)

At 18, my parents "forced" me to apply for college. I had to decide what I wanted to do, and the only answer I could find was the obvious one: music. I applied to one school, Millersville University, and auditioned for the music department with two of my earliest songs. I performed "My Love" live, and played a recorded/mixed demo of the other song. I got in, and realized very early into my first semester how clueless I was. I was, once again, forced to grapple with my doubts and insecurity. I would continue to fight tooth-and-nail against those doubts and insecurities my entire college career.

At 19, I started writing music again. It started with a very short piano riff in December 2019. Then two partial songs in March (2nd semester of college.) In April, I wrote the line, “when I close my eyes all your colors fill my mind, like a melody in my head”: the line from To Be A Man's first track, "Shine", which set the album in motion.

From ages 19-21, I wrote 17 songs for what became To Be A Man. From 21-23, I perfected the songs and track-list. At age 23, I recorded the demo version and submitted it as my senior capstone project. The album changed A LOT over that time. I wasn't built for college, and it destroyed me. I experienced my best and worst moments to date. What was supposed to be a fun EP turned into a time capsule of some of the most significant moments of my life. Creating and finishing this album switched from being just another attempt, to something very personal. If I may be a stereotypical, melodramatic artsy-type: it turned into art. It came from me, became part of me, and grew with me. I wasn't "using my knowledge and skills to write songs I thought people would like", I was trying to process raw, overwhelming emotions through creation. I didn't think, I simply did. It became survival: a last attempt to hold onto my sanity and make sense of everything.

From ages 24-25, I worked tirelessly to finish the project. I released my first single (March '24) and waterfalled the tracks over the course of 8 months (April '24-November '24). I learned, in the midst of doing it, how to execute all the moving parts pf creating and releasing an album. It was done through some research, and a lot of trial and error. There were A LOT of breakdowns, doubts, and moments of wanting to give up. Plus, am agonizing month of waiting to see if the transitions I meticulously crafted would be messed up by streaming services.

Finally, at age 25, on December 4, 2024, I released it. The project I've been working on since 2019- that was supposed to release in 2020, and then 2021, and then 2022, and then 2023- is finally out. This was nothing short of a GIANT learning curve: as a musician, composer/lyricist, producer, and human. It had many forms and titles, just like I did over the course of creating it. And, of course, art is never finished. There's always, "this could've been better" and "I could've done this differently." But after a lot of time, energy, and tears, I can finally say, “I released an album.”

I am so proud of how my album turned out. I’m so thankful to everyone who inspired and helped me. I sincerely hope you all enjoy, my debut album, To Be A Man.

-Benjamin